“For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.” Galatians 5:17

This morning, my cell phone locked up and wouldn’t do anything. I tried all the usual fixes, to no avail. After more than an hour, it was evident that the only solution was a trip to Verizon. 

You wouldn’t think that would be a big inconvenience. I’m unemployed, the kids are out of school and we didn’t have any big plans for today. And yet, my response was one of irritation that led to having a short temper with my family. 

All this after an early morning that included a run complete with prayer, great worship music and wonder over an incredible sunrise, and quiet time afterward.

Sigh.

I was able to catch myself and prayed to handle the situation better. We navigated the challenge without further incident from me.

But it left me unsettled most of the day. Why is this such a struggle? How can I be so focused on God’s presence one minute and snapping at my kids or husband the next?

This afternoon, I was working on Bible study homework and came upon Galatians 5:17. It stopped me in my tracks. As Paul notes, there is a battle going on inside me every minute of every day. It is the fight between my sinful nature and the Holy Spirit to guide me in ways better than I can choose on my own.

I knew in my heart that I cannot overcome this tendency without full submission to the Spirit’s leading. This is hard stuff. I pray for God to change me. I pray to yield my will to His. But, my flesh is tough. It wants what it wants and it doesn’t like to be led otherwise. And, I have to wonder sometimes, if I really mean it when I say I’m willing to submit.

One of the questions in our study asked us to consider if we are actually bargaining with God, instead of fully submitting to His will.

Gulp.

I have to admit, I have done this. I say I want His will, but when it doesn’t look like what I think it should look like, I squirm and fidget and get testy. Which leads to responses like today.

My prayer was that God would show me those places in my heart where I am holding back. It’s not going to be an easy journey, but if I truly want to walk this walk and live in His will, it’s the only way.

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.” Psalm 143:8

I am not a runner.

I do, however, run. Mostly for cardio exercise, but also because I have committed to running my first half-marathon next February and I have to train.

In recent weeks, I had upped my average run to almost four miles. It was a feat I hadn’t ever even come close to, but by running 3-4 times a week, it had become doable. I was feeling pretty good. Then, we went out of town for several days. Right after our return, I caught a cold. I went a week without a run. When I got back in my running shoes this week, I felt awful. Like I hadn’t trained much at all. In just a short amount of time, my stamina was nearly gone and I barely had three miles in me.

It was frustrating and disappointing. But, most of all, I was off track – not keeping aligned with what I had committed to.

As I was huffing and puffing my way through that run, I was praying and asking God for help. I felt as though He was showing me that while, yes, He was there and willing to hold my hand throughout this challenge, there was a better solution.

He is there for me to lean on all the time, rather than just when it feels tough. Staying in line with His will and purpose every day and every moment will help ensure I don’t slip off track and lose momentum for what I committed to.  A lifetime here, and eternity with Him.

Life gets busy. Life gets hard. Life can get out of control if I let those first two take over and I set God aside for the everyday things of life. He HAS to be my first priority or everything else just falls apart. And, I want Him to be my first priority. Even so, there are those days when I lose focus.

However, when I choose to focus on Him first thing in the day, He aligns my heart and my stamina is increased. My ability to hear His voice, leading me through whatever that day might bring, is enhanced. When I get to the end of days like that, it just feels better.