“Look to the Lord and his strength; seek His face always.” Psalm 105:4

Prayer.

There is so much power in that little word. 

If you’re like me, you probably don’t pray as often as you’d like, as you should or in the way you’d prefer. By that, I mean:

• I pray when I’m scared, asking God to intervene
• I pray when someone I love is sick or facing uncertainty
• I pray for blessing when there is financial crisis
• I pray when I hear about a disaster

But true prayer, the kind that can deepen my relationship with Christ, is rooted in thanksgiving and awe. It’s a dialogue in which I express my thanks, acknowledge His unmatched power, lay out my concerns or questions and then I WAIT. Wait for Him to respond or reveal. It’s where I submit my will to His, knowing His ways are better than mine, higher than mine and He knows the entire story, when I only know a small portion.

Recently, my mom faced a potentially life-threatening diagnosis. All indications were that another form of cancer had developed less than a year after she beat breast cancer. Honestly, we were devastated by the possibility. But, that’s all it was, a possibility.

So, instead of panicking and thinking the worst, I took a different approach. Reaching out to every praying friend I know, we all began to speak words of truth instead of words of doubt. Rather than focus on the “what if’s” of the situation, we prayed prayers first of thanksgiving, then laid out our concerns and then waited. 

God answered!

His answer in this case was in line with our petition. Mom’s diagnosis was completely treatable and non-life threatening. Praise God!!

But the most amazing part of it all was the peace I felt the day she was getting her results. Before her appointment, I was praying and speaking Scripture over the situation. I felt His presence with me. I knew He was there, holding me up and breathing peace into my heart. THAT was a breakthrough in my prayer life!

I don’t know why God answered our prayers the way He did – sparing my mom this diagnosis. I know that many other times, the response is not what we hope and pray for and we lose loved ones. I can only humbly thank Him for this gift and trust in His sovereign plan. Because even if the news here on Earth is bad, the news in Heaven will always be good.

“…because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:3-4

If a year ago you had told me I’d be sitting where I am today, I might have laughed. I would probably have sneered a little. I would absolutely have thought you were crazy. 

But a year ago, I was raw, hurt, confused and somewhat angry. For reasons I still don’t know or understand, my livelihood was stripped in a chaotic, unceremonious manner. The sheer jolt of rejection ripped open wounds I didn’t even realize I had.

I tried to put on my best “faith face,” but the reality of it was that I couldn’t understand why God allowed this in my life, not when He had been so good with it for so many years.

After spinning and stewing and processing for quite a while, He began to work on me. I began to soften and even let Him into my pain a little more.

What I began to realize was that my neat and tidy answer at the beginning of it all were really just a 

defense mechanism that I had perfected over the years every time I faced rejection. The only difference this time was that I was saying different words than what used to fill my vocabulary. My faith, at least in this particular area, wasn’t real. Ouch.

What He was showing me was that I need to learn to LIVE OUT the faith I profess. In ALL areas of my life. And that wasn’t happening. I needed to learn what total trusting faith really was.

I needed to stop pressing on. To just pause long enough to let Him step in front of me so that He could begin to teach, guide and lead me through this twist in the road. A twist that while I didn’t know about or expect it, He did and He meant it for good.

I can look back on those days with more understanding. My life was on cruise control and while there were many good things where I was, there were also many distractions that were keeping my eyes elsewhere, allowing me to trust in things other than Him. Today, I don’t have that. I NEED him for everything. I don’t know where the money for next month’s bills is coming from, or what will happen if someone gets sick and needs a doctor, but He does. He has been faithful and I trust. That I can say without a doubt.

Recently, my Bible study group began a session in the book of James. The teaching is speaking loudly and powerfully to me. I never really knew what perseverance meant. Now, I’m starting to see it in full force in my own life.

Yes, a year ago, things were different. So was I. Today, I can honestly say that I like who I am more than I did back then. I can say without a doubt that my faith is stronger because of the trials of the past year. I can say that while the trials may not be over, I view them differently. I see them for what they are. The means to an end – to render me mature and complete, lacking in nothing. That probably won’t happen this side of Heaven, but now that I have a better understanding of the process, I trust that it will be okay.