Wow, the past couple of weeks, God has really been tugging at my heart to make some drastic changes. All for good, but my selfish heart is really acting like an undisciplined child over some of it. It’s our nature, I know that. What’s tough is that when I look at the teaching in Scripture, it makes perfect sense. I find myself taking it in and thinking “yes!” But, putting some things into practice and even deeper, allowing them to really transform my heart, well sometimes that’s just a tall order.
I’ve always had a pretty fiery personality. I get pretty excited over things. In the same vein, when I get upset over something, I have a tendency to really let it get to me and that can turn into some not-so-pretty attributes.
This is an area that I have been praying over for a long time. But I’ve noticed recently that He is really challenging me to surrender this to Him. And, this week, he used it to teach me a valuable lesson in my marriage. Arguing within the framework of marriage, in my opinion, is just weird. Sure, it’s going to happen. But when you’re arguing with the person you are closest to on this earth, it can rip open vulnerabilities and turn ugly if both of you are not careful. Frankly, arguing caused a lot of pain and heartache (mostly mine) in the early years of our marriage. I honestly think I really didn’t know “how” to argue. At least not in a manner that focused on the issue and not the emotion. I’m certain my husband would agree.
Without going into a lot of detail, we had an argument and some reckless, piercing words were said. I’ll be honest, this encounter left me in tears. But the interesting part was that instead of stomping off and getting angry, I cried out to Jesus to show me where I needed to forgive and ask for forgiveness. Boy, he did. Not 24 hours earlier, I had been listening to a message on “Risky Hope for your Marriage” from our church. And oh how that message came back to me in waves. But, it also led me back to the Scripture, which gave me areas to pray about and see what I could do differently. I also found truths to offer to my husband. By reaching out with truth from the Bible, we quickly resolved the issue, and more importantly, repented and offered each other forgiveness.
I don’t think you can just learn that by yourself. God has to be involved, and at the heart of it or it just won’t work. I’ve never quoted Scripture to resolve an argument before. I can promise it won’t be the last time that happens.
This journey is challenging. But when little victories like this come along, I’m filled with praise because I know that it’s Him at work in me. That brings me joy and peace knowing that with Him, there is nothing I cannot face.