It’s fall in Colorado, which means these days, there is a chill in the early morning air. The only source of warmth is coming from the rising sun as it crests over the horizon. As it touches my face, I can’t help but close my eyes and pause.
Like when a door is opened into a dark room, the light floods my heart. It seeks out the dark corners, looking to relinquish them to the daylight – hiding no more in the shadows.
I don’t know when you came to know Christ, but as someone who accepted Him as her savior at a later age, I have a lot of old sins that seem to want to weigh me down. Those sins “from before I was saved.”
Logically and even spiritually, I know they are wiped clean – long forgotten by the God of grace. So why then, do I have such a time forgiving myself? Do I not believe that He really did forgive me? Do I think they are beyond forgiveness? Is accepting that forgiveness going to move me to a place I’m scared about going to – a place unfamiliar because I’ve lived with the baggage for so long?
Honestly, I’m tired.
Tired of beating myself up over poor decisions of the past. Tired of the enemy using my old default feeling of guilt against me. Tired of not accepting what I know is already mine.
I’m working through a couple of Bible studies that have really challenged me to step off the ledge and dive in to the freedom of accepting forgiveness. I believe I am there. In the past couple of weeks I’ve had the opportunity to really be in prayer about this subject. At Women of Faith last week, the words of one of the speakers washed over me and sunk down into my core. “Forgiveness is not letting our history control our destiny,” Andy Andrews.
Oh, how I needed to hear that statement!
As I have processed and begun letting go, it has helped to write things down that were once hidden in the dark corners of my heart. Somehow, putting them “out in the open” has helped me by releasing the grip they have had in my life. It’s also helped to have a close friend to talk things out with. Friend, if you’re walking this path, I pray you will do these things also.
Further in Psalm 90 is this verse: “Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. (v. 14)”
Like the sun, that is the source of light and warmth in the cool fall Colorado mornings, I am looking to my source of light for healing, joy and unfailing love.