Wednesday, July 21, 2010
“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast,” 1 Peter 5:10.
Of course, that’s what happens when we commit to being God’s soldiers – he looks for ways to defeat us. He’ll use self-doubt, struggle, illness, and any number of other jabs, stabs and assaults to try and knock us off our mission. Friends I say this because the past couple weeks have been a big-time attack period. I felt inadequate and not good enough to accomplish anything in the “real world of writing.” I got down on myself for not sticking to my workout regimen and not feeling my best physically. I lost motivation. And, to top it off, I was sick as a dog with no diagnosis and no medicine to treat it. For two weeks I suffered without any sleep – spending every night coughing my head off! I was struggling.
And then. A series of three events/communications came my way that were clearly from God. Strong messages that have strengthened and reassured me that I may be under attack, but I will not be defeated.
Last weekend I was preparing for a busy day at the ballfield. My son’s team had two games, so we were going to be there all day. I was assembling our boatload of supplies: coolers of food and drinks, sunscreen, chairs, blankets, etc. Hurrying around, I was also letting little twinges of doubt creep into my thoughts. How did I think I could handle this calling when I can’t even organize a day at the baseball field? Just then, the dogs needed to go out and they need supervision. I hurried them out, hoping they’d take a minute or two to do “their business” and I could get back to my frantic preparations. Not to be. They putzed, so I sat down on the steps. Something told me to relax, breath in the morning air and pause. As I did, two words entered my spirit. “She Speaks.” At that moment, I cried. I thanked God for clearly reaffirming that yes, He has chosen me for something and I am NOT inadequate.
A few days later, I received a message from a dear friend who has an amazing gift of prophecy. She receives and writes messages that she just knows are for specific people. Her message to me was elegant and beautiful – and clearly another affirmation from my Heavenly Father. Among other things, her note said I am richly blessed and beloved. That God has invited me to His table and a seat of honor has been given to me.
Who wouldn’t just melt upon hearing that? I literally dropped to my knees and thanked God. He knows just what we need, when we need it.
The final piece of this intricate puzzle was an email from Lysa TerKeurst, the President of Proverbs 31 Ministries, the organization that puts on She Speaks. The title was “You’re Not the Only One.” It was to reassure those of us preparing to attend the conference that we are all facing trials. Some are struggling with self-doubt, some are stressing over the size of their waistline, some wonder if they are really “good enough” to be called for this purpose. Some, like me, may be struggling with all of these! However, the message was clear. We are all human and struggle with things every day, but Jesus loves us perfectly. His pure, perfect love sees past anything I may consider a flaw. And, by all means, YES, we are absolutely perfect for this calling. God uses everyone who’s willing for His wonderful purpose. That’s all we need to be – willing! Isn’t that a great thought? I don’t need to have the perfect outfit, perfect words or especially perfect abs (thank goodness) to fulfill the call. These are all attacks from the enemy and I’m not taking it and I have told him so!
So, I prepare my heart and mind with a spirit of great expectation and gratitude. I am humbled that God wants to use me for something – to help tell His story. He has a plan and I am a willing and obedient participant. I cannot wait to continue to share this journey and see what He has in store. I’m grateful for everyone who has supported me through prayer, encouragement, kind words and simply by reading my writing. It means the world to me. Blessings and love!