I was also seeking some understanding of my own. This kind of news can rock the very foundations of faith. It is not for me to understand, but to have faith and believe in what I know to be true. That God is faithful and He has a plan for His glory.
After praying and passing along some of the relevant verses, I tucked it away. I prayed for them and asked Jesus to comfort them.
Last week, we were preparing a fast dinner (typical in our house) as we were all coming and going and hungry. In the middle of it all, my mom called from Florida, 2000 miles away. Hurriedly, I answered. Our conversation stopped me cold. She found a mass and was having a mammogram the next day. She was asking me about the biopsy I had gone through nearly two years ago. We talked and I hoped to assure her that she’d be fine, it would be nothing. She wasn’t. She had to have a biopsy.
My flesh wanted to rebel and get angry at even the possibility of her having cancer. My flesh reacted like a 2-year-old whose toy is being taken away. No God, please, not this, not now. But, my heart stepped in and a voice whispered to seek Him. Seek the same One I had sought when the news was someone else’s. When I was trying to comfort and understand from a distance. So I did. And I prayed for peace and understanding, whatever the results showed. Oh yes, I cried. I cried a lot over the weekend. The idea of losing my mom scares the pants off me. She’s precious and sweet and a terrific Grandma. And, she makes me crazy and sometimes frustrated and happy all at once. And, so often, I see so much of her in me. The days of waiting were endless.
Today, the doctor’s confirmed that she has breast cancer. News we all feared, but somehow, were prepared for. And, strangely, at some level of peace with. When I drove in to work this morning, I was listening to a song by Chris Tomlin called “I lift my hands.” I didn’t know at the time that we’d find out about Mom, but as I sang those words, I knew God was holding us.
I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, you are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful God forever
Thankfully, Mom’s prognosis is good. Her cancer was caught very early and she shouldn’t need chemo to beat it. We are praising God for that. I am praising Him for answering the one small whispered prayer I begged Him for during the waiting. More time, Lord, please. More time. He is gracious and merciful and in all things, to be glorified.