I had physical a few weeks ago. Some things were going on that gave me reason to be aware of my health and I felt it was wise to have a check-up. Honestly, I was almost hoping there would be some medical reason for the heart racing and palpitations I had been experiencing recently. I’ve definitely been under some additional stress in the past few months and I thought maybe that could be the cause of the symptoms.
In the evaluation, all my vitals were good and blood work was all normal. No cause for alarm. So then, he started asking questions about my lifestyle and habits. We boiled it down to caffeine and the large amount of it that I had been consuming. I’m embarrassed to say exactly how much. Let’s just say, I could keep Starbucks Coffee and Tetley Tea in business with my consumption alone. I could tell he was a little shocked when we totaled up my daily coffee and iced tea intake. I have to admit, even I was a little surprised when I had to add it all up.
You may think I’m joking, but I am completely serious. I have been a caffeine junkie since my freshman year of college – many, many years ago. Just like with other addictive behaviors, I’ve told myself I could control it if I wanted to. I was 100% lying to myself and to God. I can’t control it, and I had gotten myself to the point that it had become a wedge between God and me – I was not willing to let Him have this part of me.
Maybe because I’ve been embarrassed about it – I pray and ask God to take all of me and my life and use it for His glory, and yet here I was with this bondage that I wasn’t willing to give up.
Yet, after I prayed, I did feel a peace. I bought decaf coffee and tea. I cut way back on the morning coffee pot. For days, I nursed the headache that comes with withdrawal from craving the amount of caffeine I was consuming. After about five days, the headache let up and I honestly didn’t feel that bad. Throughout that week, I was praying and asking for the supernatural discipline to stick with it until the addiction was broken. There is no way I could have done it by myself. God was holding my hand the whole time. When I looked for Scriptures to help keep focused, reading Psalm 18:2 gave me comfort and courage. The Lord is my rock and fortress. With Him, nothing is impossible. That is a truth I can believe fully in, cling to and live my life on. You can, too.
You may not have an addiction that you need His help to overcome, but perhaps there is an area of your life where you are in bondage and don’t even know it. I urge you to pray. Pray for Him to reveal to you those areas that are keeping you from the fullness of living life wholly in Him. If there are areas, He will reveal them and if you commit to Him, he will get you through it.