Sitting in the audience, I struggled to fight back the tears that threatened to spill over and stream down my cheeks. As I listened to the message of healing, redemption and hope, all I could think of was how much distance I still have between Jesus and me.
Her illustration was a line drawn between her and God. It looked like a kite tail, long and thin, yet still a lifeline connecting her and her Creator. As she talked, she recounted lies that settled into her heart, creating a division – illustrated by a line crossing the lifeline, putting up a barrier.
Her words pierced my heart, bringing back memories that I hate to recall. Lies I believe about myself. Long ago choices that led to pain, hurt and more lies, that I somehow still believe in the depths of my heart. Barriers that I have created between Jesus and me that prevent me from fully receiving His redemption and grace.
I read the words to Psalm 68:19, “Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.” As I meditated on them, I realized I don’t put that Scripture into practice. Jesus is there, waiting with open hands, ready to take the burdens and lies away. And still, there are times when I grab on to them so tightly that I’m terrified to let them go.
There is a vulnerability required to work through past hurts and beliefs. There is unresolved pain that needs to be dealt with. There are thought processes that need to be changed. It takes work and dedication and sometimes it’s just easier to stick with the old habits. Not because they are beneficial or right, but because they are comfortable and nonthreatening.
Questions arise like; “if I don’t have these thoughts, what thoughts will I have?” “This is what I’ve believed about myself for so long, what will replace it?” My list goes on.
The talk I listened to gave me hope. The speaker dealt with issues far greater than anything I have had to face. Her struggles were life threatening. And yet, she was able, with the help of Jesus, to overcome and break old bonds that were keeping her from the life she was meant to live. Today, she lives in freedom.
Ah, words that I truly want to learn the meaning of for my own life. And so, I commit to begin my own process of allowing the Lord to daily bear my burdens, instead of bearing them on my own.