“Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.” Psalm 68:19

Sitting in the audience, I struggled to fight back the tears that threatened to spill over and stream down my cheeks. As I listened to the message of healing, redemption and hope, all I could think of was how much distance I still have between Jesus and me.

Her illustration was a line drawn between her and God. It looked like a kite tail, long and thin, yet still a lifeline connecting her and her Creator. As she talked, she recounted lies that settled into her heart, creating a division – illustrated by a line crossing the lifeline, putting up a barrier.

Her words pierced my heart, bringing back memories that I hate to recall. Lies I believe about myself. Long ago choices that led to pain, hurt and more lies, that I somehow still believe in the depths of my heart. Barriers that I have created between Jesus and me that prevent me from fully receiving His redemption and grace.

Why?

I read the words to Psalm 68:19, “Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.” As I meditated on them, I realized I don’t put that Scripture into practice. Jesus is there, waiting with open hands, ready to take the burdens and lies away. And still, there are times when I grab on to them so tightly that I’m terrified to let them go.

Again, why?

There is a vulnerability required to work through past hurts and beliefs. There is unresolved pain that needs to be dealt with. There are thought processes that need to be changed. It takes work and dedication and sometimes it’s just easier to stick with the old habits. Not because they are beneficial or right, but because they are comfortable and nonthreatening.

Questions arise like; “if I don’t have these thoughts, what thoughts will I have?” “This is what I’ve believed about myself for so long, what will replace it?” My list goes on.

The talk I listened to gave me hope. The speaker dealt with issues far greater than anything I have had to face. Her struggles were life threatening. And yet, she was able, with the help of Jesus, to overcome and break old bonds that were keeping her from the life she was meant to live. Today, she lives in freedom.

Ah, words that I truly want to learn the meaning of for my own life. And so, I commit to begin my own process of allowing the Lord to daily bear my burdens, instead of bearing them on my own.

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21

I am in a battle and I keep faltering.

Ever since my career was put on hiatus now nearly eighteen month ago, the enemy has used this circumstance in my life as a point of attack.

Which, I know. Which, when my focus is rightfully on Jesus, I can fend off.

Which, when I am at a weak point, the enemy swoops in and fills me with feelings that I’m not good enough. That I’m too old. That my skill set isn’t quite up to par.

All of these things, I know are untrue. But, he is crafty and he uses things like yet another “no” to wreak havoc on both my self confidence and my peace.

When I run, there is about a half-mile section of the route I take that is a gravel and dirt road. It’s not well-traveled, but the cars that do travel it have left tire grooves that have smoothed out the gravel. These grooves are much easier to run in than the rest of the road. To the left or tight just a little, and I’m in the ruts with loose gravel and bad footing. It slows me down and threatens my confidence because this section of the path is at both the beginning and end of my run – so when I’m gearing up and when I’m struggling to finish.

If I stay in the grooves, I’m set. But if I lose focus and shift to the left or right, I’m setting myself up to stumble.

God has been using this part of my run to speak into my heart. He’s reminded me over and over that the path I’m on is the one He had planned for me long ago. He’s provided many blessings during this time. And, He knows what I need, better than I do. I NEED to trust in Him. I need to give up this frustration over my unemployment, lay it at His feet and trust Him.

That’s so much easier said than done – believe me, this I know first-hand.

But His grace is readily available for all of us who ask. Just tonight, while reading through Scripture, I came across a passage I underlined in my Bible a long time ago:

“For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you,

Do not fear; I will help you.” (Isaiah 41:13)

I don’t know what’s happening in your life right now, but I definitely needed this beautiful reminder. It’s time to take hold of His hand and cling tightly to it.