I wasn’t the one under attack, it was my husband. I don’t know about you, but my fleshly, protective instincts kick in much harder when someone I love is being attacked. Even more so than if I’m the one who’s being lashed out against. Its mama bear meets Indian blood and I tell you, it can get to boiling pretty fast.
My husband had weathered this criticism on his character and ability for months. He shared small pieces here and there, but not the full-on assault. A couple weeks ago, he shared more. A lot more. Seriously, I felt my neck heating up and my instinct to defend him kicking in. After all, I’m a writer and much of the attack was written. Surely I could craft a perfectly composed response that would certainly put the accuser in their place, and maybe, take them down a notch or two in the process. This is my man, after all.
Steve knows me all too well. He could sense my wheels turning and cautioned me to leave it alone, he wasn’t nearly as upset over this as me.
This festered in me for days and I don’t know why, but I could not seem to give it up. In a sense, it came to a head that weekend, and Steve again reminded me that he was okay; the attacker was not affecting him. I left alone and drove away, headed to a function.
That’s when it hit. I clearly heard the Lord’s whisper in my spirit. “Don’t you know that I have Steve in the palm of my hand? That this is my plan for him?” I started to defend my actions, “yes, but this…” He interrupted my defense. “Don’t you TRUST me? Am I not big enough to carry him through this? He believes me. You need to also.” Wow. Okay. Boy, when He speaks, there’s no denying it. Father please forgive my disobedience.
Then, the most amazing thing happened. He turned my heart from anger to sadness, showing me the hurt from which the attacker was coming. This person is lost and scared. Attacking others is a defense mechanism that feeds an insecure spirit. It was something only God could do in my heart. I stopped and prayed for this person. And then, I let go of it.
Incredibly, a few days before Steve shared this with me, I felt compelled to study Psalm 35. I couldn’t understand why at the time, but I obeyed. The reason became crystal clear in the car that afternoon. He is big enough for anything we may face. No attack, no circumstance is too big for Him. As He gently reminded me, he has us securely in the palm of His mighty and gracious hand.